M. Nack’s Blog

There was an interesting movie on TV the other night: “Evening”.  (2007?) It is a “chick flick” for sure. My husband totally slept through the whole thing. Vanessa Redgrave plays an old woman on her death bed reminicising on the days of her youth and the love of her life, who she does not marry or otherwise spend her life with. The tale is about her reconciling her regret over that fact - did she do the right thing? There were cameo performances by Meryl Streep (who looked absolutely lovely and played the ultimate “wise grandmother”) and Glenn Close. (It was weird seeing Glenn CLose in a subordinate role. She is such a presence!) The main theme of the film was, rather than living out their lives with “Their ONE Great Love”, these women made other choices. As Meryl Streep says at the end of the movie, “We did what we had to.” 

I find it an interesting hypothesis. Meryl Streep’s character, unable to marry her “Great Love”,  decides to “settle” and marry ”a good man”.  She clearly arrives at the end of her days happy and content with her choice. Vanessa Redgrave’s character finally decides that she, too, made the right choice, choosing her calling as a chanteuse over a life with her Great Love. The movie belies the modern day notion that romantic love is necessary for happiness. “If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with.” There are other priorities that fulfill us and make us happy - children, career, following our calling in life. The movie surprisingly turns out to be a “women’s lib” film! Women don’t need a man to give their life meaning or fullfillment.

The movie also belies the notion that there IS, in fact, only “One Great Love.” Vanessa Regrave’s daughter in the film agonizes over whether the father of her unborn child is, ”The One”. Should she commit to that relationship? At the end, she concludes it’s a meaningless question - by virtue of proximity and the fact that she’s pregnant with his child, she already HAS commited to it - at least at some level. The heart has many chambers and is capable of many different sorts of relationships. Holding out for ”The ONE Great Love of your Life” may only lead to frustration, despair, loneliness and unhappiness. Put another way? “Bloom where you are planted.”

“All Things With Exuberance!”

mary!

In 1972 while I was going through my “college drop-out” phase, I was working at Aetna Life & Casualty’s claim department in real estate claims. I thought it was pretty exciting, though you can only be so young once. It was my first real exposure to the world of real estate. I remember at the time seriously entertaining the notion of becoming a lawyer. However, facing 3 more years of college and then 3 years of law school, it seemed hopelessly far off to me. And no one was really supporting me or encouraging me  in the decision. In fact, the exact opposite. It largely had to do with the fact that I was female and lawyers were men. In those days, women were supposed to get married, have babies and let their husbands suppport them. I also vaguely remember someone telling me that there were too many lawyers graduating law school and that becoming a successful lawyer was hopelessly competitive even for men. If that was true in 1972, what would they say of today’s environment!! The field was wide open then compared to today!

This afternoon I was at a symposium comprised largely of female attorneys involved in some aspect of real estate. The more senior members of the group were my age. They tell stories of how the profession was like the wild west in those days. They also share montrous tales of being women in a man’s world.

I don’t regret not becoming a lawyer. Though it’s interesting to wonder how my life would have been different if I had. I suspect I would have ended up in real estate brokerage anyway. Some paths are just meant to be. Then I would have regretted not using my law degree. *sigh*

I never intended to be a radical feminist. I was certainly not a bra-burner! Growing up the daughter of a Navy Captain, I was pretty straight-laced as a young woman. And yet the era in which I grew up thrust that role upon me. My generation is a “sandwich” group. We wanted it all - motherhood and a career. The younger generation, the children that we raised in our spare time, realize that it simply doesn’t work. The older generation doesn’t quite understand what we were trying to do. A young woman in her late 20’s, early 30’s at the symposium today thanked me and a colleague for paving the way for her. That was surprising to me. (“Huh? I did what?”) And touching. As the expression goes, “May you live in interesting times.”

“All Things With Exuberance!”
mary!

 

I was at a luncheon the other day where Goldie B. Wolfe Miller was the speaker. (http://womenleadersinrealestate.com/speak.htm) In fact, I was honored to be seated at the head table with her family. I am so inspired by this woman! She started in commercial real estate - office leasing - at Rubloff in 1972. Rubloff is a venerable Chicago firm that has been around since the 1930’s.  (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rubloff_Company). The company was founded by a feisty and brilliant fellow that I had the privilege of sitting next to early in my career at a board banquet one night: Arthur Rubloff. I can’t help but wonder what Mr. Rubloff would think about the direction his eponymous company has taken these past 10-15 years. It is not the company it was under his leadership! In the early 90’s, the Rubloff company, under it’s new owners, decided to spin off its commercial division and focus only on residential brokerage. In the break-up and shake-up after Arthur’s death, Goldie departed forming her own eponymous company - which under her leadership went on to become the largest woman-owned commercial real estate company. I wouldn’t be surprised if Rubloff’s decision to spin-off it’s commercial division had a great deal to do with Goldie’s success. They found her a tough competitor to beat. She sold that company in 1998 and is now consulting and developing as President of Millbrook Corporate Real Estate Services.

Some of Mr. Rubloff’s feistiness must have rubbed off on Goldie during her formative years as a real estate agent. In her speech this past Thursday, she said that she is often asked how she was able to balance her career with being a single mom. She said there is no such thing as balance. She said that there may be many defiinitions of success, but she always defined it in terms of money. That if you wanted to be successful, you couldn’t have the luxury of balance. One attendee during the Q&A asked how one can assure being lucky. Goldie’s response was by working harder than anyone else. And though she sounds like - and is! - a “hard cobb” -  make no mistake, she is a character and a half!  - what has made her the success that she is - and an inspiration to the standing room only crowd in attendance - is her genuine interest in and concern for the person she is talking to. For that brief moment when you have her attention, you have her full attention. She makes you feel as if there is nobody else in the room that is more important to her. It’s a rare gift and comes from a generous heart.

It is amazing what this woman with singleness of purpose, dedication and drive has been able to accomplish. Her energy is infectious. It is a tribute to her warm and generous spirit that in an industry notorious for envious back-stabbing and vicious mud-slinging, that this woman is held in high regard by any who come into contact with her. One cannot help but be enlivened and inspired by her. I sure as heck wouldn’t want to be competing against her in a business deal!

“All Things With Exuberance!”

mary!

I saw the movie “The Peaceful Warrior” the other night. A friend recommended it to me. I had started to read the book, “The Way of the Peaceful Warrior” a long time ago but somehow just wasn’t able to get into it. I didn’t go out of my way to look for the movie, but it kind of popped out at me at Blockbuster. Upon seeing it, I remembered my friend recommending it. I watched it more out of curiousity than anything. I didn’t have high expectations. After all, I had already seen “What the Bleep” and “The Secret”  - so what would this offer that those didn’t already give me? But I was dead wrong! It is very different from those movies and the story is quite compelling.

Several aphorisms are demonstrated throughout the story. The one that struck me the most is that it’s the journey that makes us happy - not the destination. How often do we struggle and work to reach a particular goal telling ourselves that if we can just accomplish it - maybe it’s to reach an ideal weight or a fantastic level of income - THEN will we be happy. Only to find disappointment once the goal is accomplished. Nothing has really changed: we’re still who we were before we began the process. Oh, we may be a little thinner or a little richer (you can never have too much of either), but we’re still the same person inside that we have always been.

I think the reason it was so cogent a lesson for me is because of the experience I have had the past 2 years of deciding to close - and then actually closing - my real estate office; picking up the pieces of my shattered ego and trying to discern with wisdom the way forward. I have spent many a restless night wondering where do I go from here? Did I do the right thing? Do I go back to “just” being an agent? And what this movie made me realize is that, as Carlos Casteneda’s mentor Don Juan told him, the only path that serves is the path with a heart. Having my own office was not a path with a heart - not for me. The journey did not make me happy. Where the path led made no difference because the journey itself was not happy.

I’ve recently cleaned up the last of the debacles associated with closing the business. The path behind is finally a closed book and I can now devote my full attention to the path ahead. What has always been true for me is the fun of “doing the deals”. It’s like playing Monopoly on a grand scale. And every single transaction is different. For me, selling real estate, “just” being an agent, is my path with a heart.

“All Things With Exuberance!”

mary!

I’ve been thinking about this “we’re going to make you a star, Mary Nack!” The assumption, of course, is that I WANT to be a star - or that I’m not one already (at least in my own mind). My best friend, who is a successful business owner and who doubled as a mentor when I owned mine, said something interesting to me the other day. We were talking about his son-in-law and how not everyone has the same definition of success that he and I do: ”you can’t be too thin or too rich”. I find that the younger generation particularly doesn’t share our definition of success. Baby boomers are notorious work-aholics and we are all about chasing the almighty dollar. (I wonder if that’s a result of being raised by survivors of The Great Depression?) The GenX crowd seems to understand intuitively that friends and family are more important. They learned that lesson by being raised as latch-key children as a necessity of us working ourselves into the ground and, at the end of the day, having no energy left over for them.

I’ve learned that I have certain “rules” about what has to happen in order for me to be successful. For one thing, it has to be earned through hard work. If it comes too easily, then it doesn’t feel right. Why should it have to be so difficult? As I get older, I find that I am less willing to work so hard - that I guard my personal time more jealously - and that I tend to get resentful when work intervenes with plans I’ve made in my personal life. Another thing that I find interesting about GenX is that they work hard on things that they are passionate about - otherwise… forget about it! There is much for me to learn from GenX.

The other thought I had was - where did that expression come from anyway - “being a star”?

“All Things With Exuberance!”

mary!

I was discussing my mother-in-law’s passing recently and, as a result, I have come to think of it differently now. I suspect (though I’ll never know until I myself reach “fairyland”) that when Norma had her nosebleed following Thanksgiving, she decided that was the sign that her time had come. When that DIDN’T happen, it just pissed her off royally. At that point, she decided to take things into her own hands. Now, mind you, it took another 60 days for her to make this happen, but she succeeded at last. This is more in keeping with Norma’s personality and I much prefer this version of the story. (N.B. “Realistic Optimism”) Norma had an iron will. Once she had spoken and “counted to three”, that was it. No further discussion was needed or tolerated. She often manipulated events and people around her to get what she wanted. Though she would play the victim, that was simply one of the techniques she used to get her way. Given the era and the culture in which she grew up, there were very few choices available to women. This type of behavior was how women of that milieu were able to be heard without being “ballsy”. We’ve come a long way, baby! Thank goodness!

“ALL THINGS WITH EXUBERANCE!”

mary!