M. Nack’s Blog

There was an interesting movie on TV the other night: “Evening”.  (2007?) It is a “chick flick” for sure. My husband totally slept through the whole thing. Vanessa Redgrave plays an old woman on her death bed reminicising on the days of her youth and the love of her life, who she does not marry or otherwise spend her life with. The tale is about her reconciling her regret over that fact - did she do the right thing? There were cameo performances by Meryl Streep (who looked absolutely lovely and played the ultimate “wise grandmother”) and Glenn Close. (It was weird seeing Glenn CLose in a subordinate role. She is such a presence!) The main theme of the film was, rather than living out their lives with “Their ONE Great Love”, these women made other choices. As Meryl Streep says at the end of the movie, “We did what we had to.” 

I find it an interesting hypothesis. Meryl Streep’s character, unable to marry her “Great Love”,  decides to “settle” and marry ”a good man”.  She clearly arrives at the end of her days happy and content with her choice. Vanessa Redgrave’s character finally decides that she, too, made the right choice, choosing her calling as a chanteuse over a life with her Great Love. The movie belies the modern day notion that romantic love is necessary for happiness. “If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with.” There are other priorities that fulfill us and make us happy - children, career, following our calling in life. The movie surprisingly turns out to be a “women’s lib” film! Women don’t need a man to give their life meaning or fullfillment.

The movie also belies the notion that there IS, in fact, only “One Great Love.” Vanessa Regrave’s daughter in the film agonizes over whether the father of her unborn child is, ”The One”. Should she commit to that relationship? At the end, she concludes it’s a meaningless question - by virtue of proximity and the fact that she’s pregnant with his child, she already HAS commited to it - at least at some level. The heart has many chambers and is capable of many different sorts of relationships. Holding out for ”The ONE Great Love of your Life” may only lead to frustration, despair, loneliness and unhappiness. Put another way? “Bloom where you are planted.”

“All Things With Exuberance!”

mary!

Going back through my blog, cleaning it up a bit, I came across the You-Tube video of Chris Bliss juggling - and the competing video of the juggler with a “professional” routine. Apparently, the juggling world was upset and outraged at the popularity of Chris Bliss’ simple routine. (Here it is again in case you missed it: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=4776181634656145640 ) Now, I understand that Chris Bliss’ routine may not be the pinnacle of juggling complexity. And comparing the two videos, his is relatively slick while the other guy’s has a “home video” quality. Nonetheless, there is something compelling about Chris Bliss’ passion and mastery of his comparatively easy routine that makes it hypnotic. It seems to me the moral of the story is that we make things way harder than necessary. It isn’t important that you run faster, higher, stronger then the next guy. What matters is that you have such love for what you do that you are fully present in the moment that you’re doing it. THAT is the one little difference that makes all the difference! THAT is what makes a consummate performer like Yo-Yo Ma at the top of his field. When I saw Yo-Yo perform live a couple of years ago, he electrified the whole auditorium. And it wasn’t about his technical brilliance, which he certainly has, it was about taking “performance” to a whole new level. He and his cello literally breathed and sang as one. It is an evening I’ll not soon forget. 

With The Olympics just around the corner, I wonder how many of those superbly disciplined athletes will remember to put all the preparation and training behind them and just revel in their excellence? The competition for which women gymnasts will be members of the U.S. team is currently going on - mere teenagers! Which is a whole other story… yet I can’t help but be reminded of the book and movie “The Way of the Peaceful Warrior.” The main character is a gymnast and at the end learns that it isn’t about winning competitions - it’s about loving what you do and being fully present in the moment that you are doing it. “It is the journey that makes us happy, not the destination.”

“All Things With Exuberance!”
mary! 

I just rewatched the Crain’s interview of serial entrepreneur of Howard. (See Feb 2007 for original posting.) It is worth watching, re-watching and taking notes. The man is brilliant. Check it out:

http://www.chicagobusiness.com/TalkingManagement/Tullman.html

Howard has owned 11 businesses and is still involved with 5 of them. In this interview, he discusses some of the aspects of starting and managing a business. He teaches entrepreneurship at Kellog.

“All Things With Exuberance!”
mary!

Moving from West Loop to Mayfair has shifted our energy. It’s been a “returning” feeling. Living in West Loop rattled our nerves and we walked through our days feeling “frayed”. Was it too much concrete - too few trees? Was it the constant racket of the el, heliocopters delivering people to the medical centers 1/2 mile south of us, the boomboxes of our neighbors? Or the distinctly different culture we found ourselves immersed in? It was weird how leaving the North Side for West Loop felt as if we had moved to a different city - or even a different country! Whereas moving to Mayfair was such an easy - almost seamless! - transition. We were settled in record time; something like 10 days. Well, OK, maybe not completely settled. In 10 days we had the rocks in place. And maybe even the pebbles. We still have the sand and water to situate. (Though it’s entirely possible that may never happen.) The thing is Mayfair isn’t really our ‘hood. Ravenswood/Lincoln Square is. We lived there for 30 years! As I said about matching energies and ‘hoods - maybe our energy is a Mayfair energy now, not a Lincoln Square energy. Lincoln Square is somewhere between Mayfair and West Loop. Maybe this sojourn to Mayfair is just meant to be a temporary reprieve to allow our frayed nerves a chance to mend. Yet I have this crazy notion that someday I would love to own a condo overlooking Millenium Park (at prices in excess of $600/sf!). Because the one thing I really loved about living in West Loop is being 15 minutes from anything downtown. But how the heck does living downtown fit into the energetic scheme of things? I guess it will happen when we get a Millenium Park energy.
 
“All Things With Exuberance!”

mary!

I have been working with a relocation client lately. It’s been awhile because I’m not on the office “corporate relocation” list anymore. (No way am I paying out a 37-1/2% commission to some relocation company!) One of the things I enjoy about working with relocation clients is the fresh perspective it gives me on my city. Things that I take for granted living here are fresh and new in the eyes of an out-of-towner. Because Chicago is a large urban city, it can be tricky trying to identify which neighborhood is the “right” area for a particular client. Even for in-towners, it can be a challenge - though Chicagoans have been know to exhibit religious fervor about their particular “‘hood”. (As in, “See ya around the ‘hood!”) But an out-of-towner hasn’t a clue and looks to me for guidance. It can really be overwhelming. But surprisingly, once we’ve figured out the right combination of price, area amenities, property type, etc - it becomes pretty obvious.

One of the things I love about urban life is the diversity of experiences available. Just this morning, I was out for my morning run through the Cook County Forest Preserve that abuts the complex where I now live. The Chicago River runs through this particular section of the Preserve and there is a trail adjacent to it. Except for the sound of the traffic heliocopters that report morning rush hour, you can’t believe you are in the city. Contrast that with my old neighborhood of West Loop near The United Center. My morning runs were experiences in concrete and asphalt. (Check out my photo journal ”Urban Geometry”.) The texture of urban living is unimaginably rich and varied: a woman dressed in a birka keeping close eye on her young, Western-attired son at the playground; the graffiti on the abandoned train trestle - literally outdoor art. (I’ll post that picture at another time. You will agree with me - it reminded me of the arabesques traced on the walls of mosques.) The diversity of foods to serve the diversity of ethnic groups and cultures at my neighborhood grocery story is remarkable. (Can you imagine the money they have tied up in inventory?!)

Then there’s the ugly side - the article in the Chicago Tribune earlier this week about the huge pollution problem the persvasiveness of discarded cigarette butts creates (who knew?); empty beer cans floating down river; plastic trash bags fouling the waterways and our streets. Then there’s the noise pollution of airplanes coming into O’Hare; the el squealing as it turns on it’s the tracks, car horns, ambulances, fire trucks, etc etc etc. On it goes… The buzz of the city.

It occurred to me that matching ‘hoods to people is about matching energies. High energy is downtown - West Loop. We couldn’t stay there. Our personal energy didn’t rise to that level (I guess we’re getting old?). Our new ‘hood: it’s too soon to tell. We’re sleeping better at night - that’s a good thing. But the energy maybe not be quite high enough for this city girl. And as your life phases change, so does your energy. When you’re young and single, it’s all about the neighborhood bars, the “24 hour” scene, ease of access to transportation, running along the lakefront, etc. When you’re married with children, it’s the schools, the after-school programs, the parks, the churches, etc… When you’re an empty nester - well, then it has to be the sophistication of a downtown hi-rise, doormen, cabbies and chic eateries.

Chicago - it’s my kind of town!

“All Things With Exuberance!” 

mary!

In 1972 while I was going through my “college drop-out” phase, I was working at Aetna Life & Casualty’s claim department in real estate claims. I thought it was pretty exciting, though you can only be so young once. It was my first real exposure to the world of real estate. I remember at the time seriously entertaining the notion of becoming a lawyer. However, facing 3 more years of college and then 3 years of law school, it seemed hopelessly far off to me. And no one was really supporting me or encouraging me  in the decision. In fact, the exact opposite. It largely had to do with the fact that I was female and lawyers were men. In those days, women were supposed to get married, have babies and let their husbands suppport them. I also vaguely remember someone telling me that there were too many lawyers graduating law school and that becoming a successful lawyer was hopelessly competitive even for men. If that was true in 1972, what would they say of today’s environment!! The field was wide open then compared to today!

This afternoon I was at a symposium comprised largely of female attorneys involved in some aspect of real estate. The more senior members of the group were my age. They tell stories of how the profession was like the wild west in those days. They also share montrous tales of being women in a man’s world.

I don’t regret not becoming a lawyer. Though it’s interesting to wonder how my life would have been different if I had. I suspect I would have ended up in real estate brokerage anyway. Some paths are just meant to be. Then I would have regretted not using my law degree. *sigh*

I never intended to be a radical feminist. I was certainly not a bra-burner! Growing up the daughter of a Navy Captain, I was pretty straight-laced as a young woman. And yet the era in which I grew up thrust that role upon me. My generation is a “sandwich” group. We wanted it all - motherhood and a career. The younger generation, the children that we raised in our spare time, realize that it simply doesn’t work. The older generation doesn’t quite understand what we were trying to do. A young woman in her late 20’s, early 30’s at the symposium today thanked me and a colleague for paving the way for her. That was surprising to me. (“Huh? I did what?”) And touching. As the expression goes, “May you live in interesting times.”

“All Things With Exuberance!”
mary!

We’ve moved recently - relinquishing our near West side location and our 15 minute el ride to downtown for an arboreal retreat to the northwest side of the city. Whereas we used to enjoy the geographic curiosity of being 25 minutes to anywhere, it now takes us 45 minutes to get anywhere - particularly with the Edens under construction. It is a mixed bag no doubt. Whereas we are sleeping through the night and chirping birds now wake us (at 3:45 a.m.!) instead of the tornado-like sound of the el as it roars into the Ashland station (at 4:30 a.m. ). And, whereas we no longer lug groceries up three flights of stairs thanks to the modern invention of a thing called an elevator, it definitely feels as if we’ve moved into “retirement heaven”. (Our cleaning lady even asked us last week if our complex was designated ”55 or older”!) While we have both now reached that seemingly advanced age (I just hit that milestone this month), being a typical Boomer, I’m not quite prepared for the lifestyle being 55 connotates. Or am I? This is what I cannot reconcile. It is SO quiet that living here looses the essence of what life in the city is all about. And while I definitely enjoy the quiet, the trees, the birds, the scent of flowers and lilacs - nature! - isn’t that what escaping to Door County is all about? Life in the city is - well, it’s “life in the city”! It’s not supposed to be quiet! It’s supposed to be energizing (exhausting?), noisy and, well, - exuberant! I’ve never seriously given much thought to “retirement” - but now… Is it my new environment? Or is it my station in life that is causing me to have these thoughts? Is this what “growing up” feels like? Am I done anticipating life’s next adventure? Am I to simply settle in, settle down and wait for old age’s mantle to settle down around me? Have I reached the stage in my life when it is now time for me to “settle”? 

We’ve gotten settled in record time - a mere ten days from moving day to last box unpacked (which may be more of a statement about how often we’ve moved in the past 5 years than anything else). Our new home IS cozy, comfortable  and we’ll probably stay here until we actually DO retire - to someplace like Door County or San Diego or who knows where? The fact that I’m even asking the question is telling. Maybe it’s the “turning 55″ thing. Frankly, I’m beginning to feel a little - well, -  OLD! (There! I said it!) A speaker once asked, “Are your best days ahead of you or are they behind you?” I’ve always been very confident in saying “ahead of me!” But now I find myself beginning to ask, “Are they?”

In a very real and concrete way, it feels as if “we’ve come home”. Without question, Bob is more than ready for that. After our exciting 30+ year sojourn into “city life”, we’ve come back to our “roots”. And yet I showed a property in Hyde Park last night that took me back - back to the early days - the “Hugh Hefner” halycon days of my youth in the 70’s. THIS is how my life was SUPPOSED to turn out - a beautiful 2300 sf condo - the ultimate in urban sophistication. My good and dear friend Debbie Battersby, who is something of an expert when it comes to things Tony Robbins, would say that things only mean what we choose them to mean. But it is all jumbled up - yesterday, today, the future… all of them spinning together to tell the story of my life. These days, I find I am a Time Lord. Spinning… Spinning… Spinning…

“All Things With Exuberance!
mary!

My brilliant, adult son loaned me this book recently A Random Walk Down Wall Street by Burton Malkiel. I’ve been dutifully plowing through it (though truth be told, I find it fascinating). I haven’t reached the part that tells you what you SHOULD do to invest intelligently in the stock market. So far, all I’ve read is how everything I’ve learned about technical trading and fundamental analysis these past 3 years is utterly meaningless. (Thank you very much!) The first part of the book describes the Dot Bomb phenomenon. Note that I said “describes”, not ”explains how to avoid getting caught in that trap again!” I’m only about 2/3  of the way through the book (page 250 of a 400 page book). Hopefully, by the time I’m done, the author will reward me with new found wisdom and clarity. (“News at 11.”)

Actually, I can’t help but wonder as to why my son would loan me this book. I suppose growing up with a mother that has a motto  “All Things With Exuberance” has caused him to rebel against his upbringing and be somewhat conservative in his approach to life . As a conservative young fellow, he may have some serious concern about his old mom. Like the Dot Bomb disaster, perhaps he fears that I suffer from Irrational Exuberance. Being the brilliant young man that he is, may be he’s right. Perhaps he is hoping against hope that (at least when it comes to investing in the stock market) I will learn to rein in my natural exuberance.

I am at a point in the book where the author (good ole buddy Burt) discusses a new science called “Behavioral Finance”. Apparently, a couple of psychologists got together and did some experimentation to prove that not only are people irrational in how they make financial decisions, they deviate in a systematic manner from rational behavior! Now this I can relate to. It sounds exactly like what I’ve experienced in the real estate market over the past 25 or so years. For instance, it never fails that when interest rates are falling, buyers will sit on the fence waiting to see how low they go before jumping in to buy. But when do they jump into buy? When interest rates start rising! I know when interest rates tick up, the phones will start ringing and I’m going to have a busy week. “Who turned on the faucet?! Did interest rates go up again?”

Another example is like the market we’re enjoying right now - a buyer’s market. Any rational buyer would realize that this is the best time to buy that we’ve had in over 5 years! Prices are soft, sellers are motivated and there is a glut of inventory on the market - meaning that buyers have more and better choices then ever. But what are buyers doing? Are they buying? Nope - they’re sitting on the proverbial fence wondering how much lower prices will drop - just like the interest rates! And if they DO make an offer, a great buy isn’t good enough. Nope. They have to pommel the seller so hard that the seller refuses to deal with them anymore. I had one seller say to me recently, “I would rather burn the house down then sell it to these people!” Whaddya gonna do?

But then, this is out of the mouth of one that just may suffer from terminal exuberance.

“All Things With Exuberance!”
mary!

It amazes me how criminals and con artists will prey on people when they are at their most vulnerable. It is like kicking your dog. But then, why should that surprise me? 

Once a lender wins their lawsuit to foreclose on your home, it becomes a matter of public record. This is information the con artist is waiting for to target you as his next victim. Their ploy is to prey upon your panic and desperation. They come in as a trusted advisor that will solve all your problems. In exchange, you must agree to deal only with them - not your lender, not your attorney or anyone else - just them. This should be your first red flag!

Their scam is to get you to sign a bunch of documents and keep you in the dark about what you are signing. They tell you that they are documents authorizing them to negotiate on your behalf with the lender so there is no need for you to talk further with the lender or your attorney. They tell you that there is no need for anyone else to see the documents - especially your lawyer! - because, after all, we’re all friends here, right? You will not receive a copy of anything you signed - so later on, you will have no record of what has happened.

What you have just done is signed the deed to your property over to them - in effect, you have just given them your house. Then they tell you that they will deal with your lender - that there is no further need for you to do so. You are instructed to send all of your payments directly to them, not to your lender. They take the deed to your property, sell the property or re-finance it, run with the money and are gone. Worse, you no longer own your home - which means that you no longer have the ability to work out a settlement with the lender - and you are out whatever money you have given them.

To avoid being the victim of a con:
*Never sign anything that your attorney hasn’t first reviewed.
*Never let any of your orginal documents - your deed, your mortgage documents, etc, leave your possession.
*Never send your mortgage payment to anyone other than your lender. If there is a change as to where you should send your payment, you will receive written notice of that from your lender.
*Beware of anyone that discourages you from talking to your attorney or your lender directly.
*Beware of anyone that charges you some sort of a “good faith deposit” to help you resolve your problems. There are legitimate governmental agencies that will counsel you for free. A legitimate investor looking to purchase your home does not need or want any money up front from you. In fact, a legitimate investor will give YOU the good faith deposit, not the other way around!

If you suspect that you have been the victim of a con, call the police and report it immediately. To get free counseling and immediate advice, call 888-995-HOPE. Also, this link to the Illinois Association of REALTORS contains several resources that will educate you further:
http://www.yourillinoishome.com/financing/preventmortgagefraud.htm

And, of course, if I can be of any assistance, I am always privileged to serve however I am able.

“All Things With Exuberance!”
mary!

For the past six months, my assistant and I have been learning about foreclosures and delving into helping people that are threatened with losing their homes. She and I attended an event this morning put on by the Illinois Housing Dept Authority (IHDA) to educate people who are in trouble. Allowing your home to be taken back by the bank in an auction is ABSOLUTELY the WORST thing you can do!! The bank is not really the enemy and, surprisingly, the bank’s interests are not that different from yours: you don’t want them to take your home, and they are not interested in owning your home. They want the money you owe them. That’s the business they are in. They are in the home LENDING business, not the home OWNING business So, if you call them to try and work things out, they will almost always work with you.

Let’s say you decide to just abandon the house - thinking that the bank will just take your property and everything will then just go away. After all, they are getting the house. What more can they want from you? So, you go off to Brazil or someplace nice and warm and start all over again. WRONG! WRONG! WRONG! Doing that just makes things worse. If you end up losing your home at auction, and it is sold for less than what you owe (which is what typically happens - particularly if you’ve abandoned the property), you are still on the hook for what the bank is owed. So now, you’ve not only lost your home but now your credit rating is in the toilet (and you won’t be able to buy another home for 7 years or even rent a decent apartment!) and you STILL owe the bank its money! They can (and will!) go after you for the dough and file a judgment against you - which only screws up your credit rating that much more.

By all means, DO NOT! DO NOT! DO NOT! bury your head in the sand thinking it will all just go away. Call the number that is on your payment book and tell them you’re having problems. There are lots of legitimate counseling agencies that will assist you in the process of working out something with your lender.

Finally - BEWARE OF SCAMS! There are plenty of predators out there looking to take advantage of people that have fallen on hard times. Tomorrow, I will go into “Mortgage Rescue Fraud” - the red flags and signs to look for.

“All Things With Exuberance!”
mary!