Unsettling Thoughts
We’ve moved recently - relinquishing our near West side location and our 15 minute el ride to downtown for an arboreal retreat to the northwest side of the city. Whereas we used to enjoy the geographic curiosity of being 25 minutes to anywhere, it now takes us 45 minutes to get anywhere - particularly with the Edens under construction. It is a mixed bag no doubt. Whereas we are sleeping through the night and chirping birds now wake us (at 3:45 a.m.!) instead of the tornado-like sound of the el as it roars into the Ashland station (at 4:30 a.m. ). And, whereas we no longer lug groceries up three flights of stairs thanks to the modern invention of a thing called an elevator, it definitely feels as if we’ve moved into “retirement heaven”. (Our cleaning lady even asked us last week if our complex was designated ”55 or older”!) While we have both now reached that seemingly advanced age (I just hit that milestone this month), being a typical Boomer, I’m not quite prepared for the lifestyle being 55 connotates. Or am I? This is what I cannot reconcile. It is SO quiet that living here looses the essence of what life in the city is all about. And while I definitely enjoy the quiet, the trees, the birds, the scent of flowers and lilacs - nature! - isn’t that what escaping to Door County is all about? Life in the city is - well, it’s “life in the city”! It’s not supposed to be quiet! It’s supposed to be energizing (exhausting?), noisy and, well, - exuberant! I’ve never seriously given much thought to “retirement” - but now… Is it my new environment? Or is it my station in life that is causing me to have these thoughts? Is this what “growing up” feels like? Am I done anticipating life’s next adventure? Am I to simply settle in, settle down and wait for old age’s mantle to settle down around me? Have I reached the stage in my life when it is now time for me to “settle”?
We’ve gotten settled in record time - a mere ten days from moving day to last box unpacked (which may be more of a statement about how often we’ve moved in the past 5 years than anything else). Our new home IS cozy, comfortable and we’ll probably stay here until we actually DO retire - to someplace like Door County or San Diego or who knows where? The fact that I’m even asking the question is telling. Maybe it’s the “turning 55″ thing. Frankly, I’m beginning to feel a little - well, - OLD! (There! I said it!) A speaker once asked, “Are your best days ahead of you or are they behind you?” I’ve always been very confident in saying “ahead of me!” But now I find myself beginning to ask, “Are they?”
In a very real and concrete way, it feels as if “we’ve come home”. Without question, Bob is more than ready for that. After our exciting 30+ year sojourn into “city life”, we’ve come back to our “roots”. And yet I showed a property in Hyde Park last night that took me back - back to the early days - the “Hugh Hefner” halycon days of my youth in the 70’s. THIS is how my life was SUPPOSED to turn out - a beautiful 2300 sf condo - the ultimate in urban sophistication. My good and dear friend Debbie Battersby, who is something of an expert when it comes to things Tony Robbins, would say that things only mean what we choose them to mean. But it is all jumbled up - yesterday, today, the future… all of them spinning together to tell the story of my life. These days, I find I am a Time Lord. Spinning… Spinning… Spinning…
“All Things With Exuberance!
mary!
